For years now, you’ve been inspired by the apocalyptic visions of TV shows to build an underground safehouse, to guard against what’s clearly coming. You’ve built the secret entrance behind a portrait, pressing the man’s eye three times in quick succession to open it.
You’ve dug four tunnels leading out of your house, with your bare hands. You have rows and rows of baked beans stretching into the distance in your underground complex. You congratulate yourself on a job well done and pick up the TV remote.
But to your horror, you suddenly realise that you forgot to pack any acne-clearing foods. And the second you notice, you hear the first cry across the street, clearly signifying that the zombie apocalypse has arrived. You kick a bin over in frustration, but can already feel the first pimple forming.
How to avoid this nightmare scenario? Or more generally, which acne-friendly foods can you keep in storage for a long time?
One – raw honey
In 2003, a tomb was accidentally unearthed in Georgia (Asia) during an oil pipeline construction. Buried inside was a storied tribal chieftain, alongside several comrades, but also a perfectly preserved offering of honey, infused with wild berries.
Years earlier, archaeologists broke into the tomb of an Egyptian noblewoman and found several honey jars dating back to 3500BC. They couldn’t resist eating them, and they tasted as fresh as ever. Honey offerings were also unearthed in the long-sealed resting place of Tutankhamen (who died in 1325BC).
These stories have cemented raw honey’s reputation as an incredibly long-lasting food. Some call its timespan 5 years, scientists argue 10, but others say “indefinite”.
Firstly, there’s the bone-dry moisture levels of 15%, which is surprising given honey’s goopiness. Bacteria need moisture to survive, so living in honey is like marching through the Sahara desert for human beings.
Secondly, its fantastical collection of bee compounds is a bacteria’s nightmare. Bee-defensin 1, methylgyloxal, and hydrogen peroxide are precisely why we recommend honey as an acne-clearing topical treatment.
One classic internet rumour states that a senior archaeologist gave a young assistant a scoop of honey discovered in a tomb. The honey was delicious! The guy marvelled at its preservative powers. 2 weeks later though, the senior archaeologist gathered his team with a solemn expression. That honey was used to embalm dead babies, he revealed, whose skeletons had gradually diffused across the jar (as confirmed by laboratory analysis).
The “cannibal honey” story is good for a laugh, but probably completely fake. Nevertheless, honey is the undisputed champion of long-lasting foods. There was a serious competitor back in 2012, but sadly, the 68 million year old preserved T-rex flesh discovered in Montana wasn’t edible (it was bitterly controversial for years, but finally confirmed to be real T-rex collagen).
Role for acne – a healthier natural sweetener (don’t go nuts though).
Two – chia seeds
If you buy into the internet chia seed craze, scoff down a handful with immense excitement, and then instantly forget about them for 2 years, then you have no need to worry.
The microscopic use by date tends to read 12 months or 18 months, but chia seeds usually last for months or even years longer, particularly in the fridge in a zip lock bag, with all the oxygen squeezed out before sealing. Some chia seed aficionados estimate 2 years without refrigeration and 2-4 years with refrigeration.
In a survival situation, when hordes of zombies prowl the streets, chia seeds can be frozen easily, most likely for 5 years (they’re also freezable when there are no zombies around). Temperatures below 40F or 5C are vital, and moisture levels below 8%. Otherwise, they’ll merge into a singular chia gel.
Sunflower seeds also last for years, but they have a mysterious, unexplained reputation for sudden acne outbreaks. According to legends from 1500BC, Mayan warriors used to carry chia seed satchels at their waists on long journeys, possibly for fighting energy (“chia” means strength in Mayan), but possibly because they rarely spoiled. The Aztecs ground chia seeds into a long-lasting flour, before offering them to the gods in religious rituals.
Role in acne – a vegan source of amino acids and omega 3s, without flax’s estrogen downsides. A strong source of minerals like magnesium for everyone.
Three – beef jerky
Normally, when you find a two week old packet of steak, you open it tentatively, milometer by milometer, like when Freddy Krueger’s hiding in your cellar. Beef jerky, however, can last for 2 years in a refrigerator below 4C.
In fact, longevity was why beef jerky was invented in the first place. We return to South America, circa 1550AD, where the Quechua tribe of the Inca empire sliced llama and alpaca meat incredibly thinly, before drying it out in the sun. It was dubbed ch’arki, which translates as “to burn meat”. Say it aloud and the word jerky will almost appear.
Flash forward 200 years, and beef jerky was barrelling along on horseback through the American wild west, the perfect eternally fresh snack for exploring America’s frontiers when food wasn’t guaranteed.
Being naturally bone dry, beef jerky is almost immune to microorganisms; bacteria will be confused to find almost no moisture to aid their growth. By making your own recipe with garlic and onion powder, the jerky can last even longer. The salt also suppresses bacteria, the oldest trick in the book, and the leaner the jerky, the longer its shelf life.
With coconut oil (fat), raw honey (carbs), and beef jerky (protein), you have all three macronutrients for your prepper cave. That said though, if your beef jerky has grown fur, it’s not going for a new look this summer – throw it in the bin.
Role in acne – its reputation is unhealthy, but when organic, beef jerky is simply separated grass-feed beef, with all the minerals and amino acids that entrails.
Four – hazelnuts
This pimple-slaying snack is possibly longest lasting of all culinary nuts.
Nut scientists estimate that hazelnuts will keep for 2 full years at 0 degree Celsius, and 12 months at 10 degrees. Pistachios can only muster up 3 months and 10 months respectively, while for peanuts, it’s 9 months and 12 months. The typical refrigerator is around 4 degrees, so for hazelnuts, 18 months is a solid bet. This for the kernel, the nut you greedily grab from a bowl, not the whole shelled hazelnut.
Nobody knows why they keep better than almonds (12 and 9 months respectively). Their vitamin E is approximately equal, but hazelnuts have a bacterial-fuelling moisture content of 15% versus 9% for almonds.
The mysteries of the universe deepen, but hazelnuts probably contain a set of phenolic compounds geared perfectly towards inhibiting bacteria. In some experiments, hazelnuts even gain phenolic antioxidants around the 8 month mark.
Free radicals are a worry with nut storage, as their plentiful fats (lipids) oxidise with time, but hazelnuts are particularly immune to this. This time it’s perfectly logical; rather than unstable polyunsaturated fats, 76% of their fatty acids are the relatively stable oleic acid.
A fridge isn’t the traditional place to keep nuts, but it’s superior to room temperature; ordinary citizens are proven to tell the difference after 12 months.
Role in acne – an excellent vitamin E source, with phenolic antioxidants aplenty in the skins. Fulfils your easily grabbable snack requirements.
Five – coconut oil
When we inevitably rise from the rubble of nuclear war, only one food will sustain you until 20 years later, when humanity gradually starts to rebuild (made easier by the 6 extra arms we’ve all grown).
It’s coconut oil, and alongside ghee, it’s the stablest cooking fat in existence. It already produces less cancer-causing free radicals during frying compared to sunflower oil, corn oil, and even, shock horror, extra virgin olive oil. However, its refrigerated shelf life is also approximately 5 years. Dangling off an island palm tree, the coconut has to cope with scorching sunlight for the entire year except for when tropical storms sweep in, so a dark kitchen cupboard with spiders crawling around is no problem.
The reason is clear cut. 93% of coconut oil’s fats are saturated, with 67% being lauric acid. With an extra hydrogen atom, saturated fats are significantly more stable; they’re why butter and coconut oil are solid at room temperature. Meanwhile, soybean oil is 77% polyunsaturated fat, and you should not make eye contact with it, let alone fry with it (it’s highly unstable). It also made up 9% of total US calories in 1999, but that’s a story for another day.
Most jars have a shelf life of 18-24 months, but that’s seriously underestimated. Because it’s pearly white, mould shows up incredibly easy. Any yellow or blue discolouration is a clear warning. If smelling it makes you recoil with disgust, your coconut oil is rancid. Every coconut oil smells naturally different, but your jar should never be toxic sludge.
Another expert tip that no scientist has heard of is keeping the lid tightly shut.
Role in acne – an alternative to unstable cooking fats like soybean oil, which generate free radicals aplenty. Perfect for frying steak and eggs.
Six – powdered milk
When you march down the corridor of your secret prepper bunker, utter the password, and press the two buttons on either side in coordination with the countdown to open the door, there’s one food that the secret survival labyrinth inside should be packed with.
That food is powdered milk, for without hundreds of cans of this white powder, you’ll never emerge from the apocalypse unscathed.
Powdered milk is the classic storage food. Firstly, it’s versatile, added to coffee, oatmeal, a little extra water, or if push comes to shove, swallowed whole. However, it also lasts for around 10 years when refrigerated. It once took powdered milk 4 years to start tasting funny at temperatures of 21C.
During Robert Scott’s quest to become the first man to the Antarctic pole in 1911 (he was beaten by Roald Amundsen by 35 days), powdered milk was part of his provisions. Scott’s hut on Ross Island still contains “Trumilk” brands of powdered milk to this day, sitting on the perfectly preserved wooden shelves, alongside early 1900s cakes and marmite.
In 2015, some Arctic explorers stumbled across an old 1960s expedition camp in Greenland. There was a horde of jam, crackers, cocoa powder, meatballs and beans, frozen in time. The explorers supposedly tried a sample of every meal, but why? Because they were sick of the powdered milk and porridge at their own camp. It might be bland, but powdered milk is unbeatable for ice travellers.
Disclaimer: this is the only white powder I recommend on this website!
Role in acne – milk is a nightmare for some acne patients, due to IGF-1 and peptide sensitives. If your skin doesn’t react, it’s a top quality protein and vitamin A source.
Seven – dark chocolate
Despite commonly saying 1 year on the label, dark chocolate can easily keep for 2 years at 22 degrees, and even 5 years at 10-12 degrees. Raw cocoa powder is even better, lasting up to 10 years.
Dark chocolate is a rare food to contain no water (making it the arch enemy of cucumber). It’s mostly fat, and in top quality brands, mostly highly saturated cocoa butter, similarly to coconut oil. Poorer quality brands will sneak in less stable (but still pretty stable) palm oil to make a quick buck, while casually slashing down a rainforest in the process with one hand.
Reach deep into your cupboard, and you may discover some 12 year old baking chocolate that’s still perfectly edible.
Once again, the legions of chocoholics will make cocoa a great bartering tool, when a British prime minister accidentally puts his coffee mug on the nuclear button one day. In the Aztec empire, 100 cocoa beans could supposedly purchase one turkey hen.
In one of the most imaginative studies ever, scientists concluded that 70% of people would trade their computer password for a single bar of chocolate. Chocolate could bribe you into a leadership position of the coming war-torn world.
Ignore the grey bloom on old chocolate – this is purely cosmetic and doesn’t affect the antioxidants, stability or taste. Watch out – never mistake bloom for mould.
Of course, if you use Hershey’s chocolate, you’ll never notice if it goes bad.
Link to acne – identical to coffee. An antioxidant-packed, tasty treat food for acne sufferers.
Eight – dehydrated fruit slices
Whether bought from the shop or evaporated yourself using a food dehydrator, dried fruits can last for years in your trusted refrigerator.
People have unearthed 10 year old raisins in their baking cupboard that were perfectly usable in cakes, even if the sugar was too crystallised for a tasty snack. Estimates in the fridge range from 30 years (which is probably over the top) to 5 years. Dried apricots, apples, berries and dates alike will withstand the passage of time, and the reason is nearly identical to raw honey.
The sugars intensify and the moisture evaporates, leaving bacteria struggling for what’s effectively their oxygen. The antibacterial antioxidants become hyperconcentrated, finishing off the stragglers. Consequently, the exact shelf life will depend on the individual fruit’s nutrient profile.
This isn’t the greatest example, but a fruitcake found in Robert Scott’s Terra Nova hut in 2012 was described as “almost edible” by the Antarctic Heritage Trust. Made by an old British company called Huntley & Palmers, it dated back to 1911. The fruitcake was the sole survivor of the ill-fated Scott expedition, except of course, for the powdered milk, the pemmican and the “Fry’s pure cocoa”. This might be the coldest, windiest place on earth, the land of snow and ice, but we all have a little slice of Antarctica in our kitchen freezers.
You can also buy dehydrated fruit from companies dedicated to long term food storage, with a guaranteed shelf life of 15 years. They should call this the zombie apocalypse seal of approval.
Role in acne – like honey, they’re too sugary to eat regularly, but with their antioxidants and vitamins, dried fruits are a classic acne-friendly treat, perhaps daily in small amounts.
Nine – instant coffee
Instant coffee is normally loathed by coffee aficionados, but with a 10 year storage life, it’s a clear case of slow and steady wins the race.
In fact, a common estimate circulating the web is 25 years! This comes from a product called “Franklin’s Finest Emergency Coffee”. I’ve never located the study, if it exists, but freeze-dried instant coffee can maintain its flavour, vitamins, antioxidants and stability indefinitely.
Instant coffee typically has a moisture content of 11-12%, and freeze drying will break through the 5% threshold where bacteria cannot hook their claws in. One explanation is caffeine itself, the coffee bean’s natural antibiotic, suppressing moulds and yeast.
By contrast, ground coffee typically lasts 3-5 months in the cupboard. Instant coffee can supposedly last for 10-20 years after the bag is opened. Instant coffee is perfect for backwater trekking and that same reliability makes it perfect for long storage.
Nowadays, there’s even multiple companies selling “survival coffee” targeted towards preppers, tailor made to last for years and packaged in moisture-proof mylar bags in a rugged plastic bucket.
Then there’s another advantage – the great minds of apocalypse thinking believe that coffee could become a prized bartering tool one day. Caffeine is the world’s most popular drug, and our nations may be secretly addicted. It supposedly greases the wheels of the economy. Then one day, BOOM – the supplies are cut off. Starbucks becomes an empty shell, with a logo smiling down and taunting you.
Suddenly, coffee becomes as in demand, as heavily exchanged as other supplies like metal and medicine. Zombies may never stalk the streets, but I could see the coffee part happening – it’s actually a logical prediction.
Role in acne – rich in antioxidants, and a classic acne-friendly treat food to stay sane when pizzas have been outlawed.
Ten – pemmican
1000 years ago, on the Great plains of Wyoming where buffalos strode majestically, Native Americans invented a bar of lean meat stripped from local wild animals, mixed with wild berries and fat.
900 years later, this bar was a trusted staple of polar explorers like Robert Falcon Scott. It was called pemmican, and without it, we wouldn’t have conquered the South Pole until long after 1911. Why? Because pemmican’s shelf life is approximately 50 years.
Explorers leaving their icebound ships for days often relied on pemmican entirely, before relying on it for several days more when they returned and the ship was gone! Racing to the north pole, pemmican was their equivalent of a modern energy bar, stuck at the bottom of your jacket pocket. Pemmican is Inuit for “meat wad”, and it was a staple of their ice-wandering culture.
Truth be told, the most primitive pemmican looks awfully like dog food. It was simply lean meat mixed with tallow fat, but by Ernest Shackleton’s time, currants and honey had appeared too, alongside the penguin meat and seal blubber which tasted exotic for a few days, but they’d soon do anything to escape. The shelves of Scott’s Hut still contain unopened boxes of pemmican.
These days, pemmican is undergoing something of a revival. On meat-loving paleo websites, recipes call for blueberries, grass-fed meat and nuts, all of which is top quality acne-clearing nutrition. Supposedly, pemmican tastes as bland as ever, but it’s a great experiment to try. You can buy all-natural pemmican online.
Role in acne – the ingredients can each be eaten individually, but new recipes can defeat boredom and monotony. You too can become an Antarctic explorer: pemmican is a great portable alternative to sandwiches or cookies on a day out.
Conclusion
Nobody knows what the future holds. Think about it: there’s no reason why a zombie apocalypse couldn’t happen.
It would only take a new virus transmitted by bite, where you apparently lose all vital signs for 6 hours, but then return in a mindless desire to infect others. Grey skin would happen as the virus attacks collagen, and a shuffling walk as the collagen in your joints also weakens. It really could happen.
These foods will keep your skin clear no matter the circumstances.
Thanks for reading!